We Laugh, They Break, and We Don’t Even Notice

The Joke That Stayed Too Long

By Hanish Goel — Personal reflection

We joke. We laugh. We move on. But sometimes, the joke stays — longer than we ever meant it to.

Growing up, I was often made fun of — especially in school. The jokes, the comments, the mocking glances… they may have seemed harmless to others, but to me, they built a quiet storm inside. The trolling wasn’t just words; it was a mirror that magnified every insecurity I had.

It got so bad that after 10th grade, I switched schools — hoping for a fresh start, hoping people would see me differently. But the truth is, when your self-image is bruised, the environment changes little. College came, and though I found smaller groups of genuine friends, the jokes continued. Sometimes direct, sometimes subtle — but always enough to remind me of that old feeling: not being enough.

I remember mornings when, while brushing my teeth, I’d replay every line said to me — thinking of witty comebacks I never gave. I wanted to win those invisible battles, to prove I wasn’t weak. And somewhere in those silent mornings, my pain learned to wear humour as its shield.

Over time, I got better at it. I became funny. Sharp. I started trolling others.

At first, it felt empowering — like I’d finally taken control. There were groups where I was dominant, where my humour could sting. I made people laugh, but sometimes, I made others feel small. And now, looking back, that’s what I regret most.

Because that laughter — that momentary feeling of superiority — came at a cost.

It cost someone else their peace. And it cost me my kindness.

In the past few years, while struggling with depression and trying to understand myself better, I’ve turned inward — to karma, dharma, and our scriptures. I’ve realized that when we mock others, we don’t just create bad karma outside — we disturb the balance within. Every word, every act that hurts another, circles back and adds to the unrest we already carry.

Kabir once said, “Nindak niyare rakhiye, aangan kuti chhaway.”
Keep your critic close, for they help you grow.

But trolling is not criticism. It’s not truth spoken for betterment — it’s our insecurity disguised as humour, our ego looking for company.

I no longer find pride in being witty at someone else’s expense. I find peace in silence — in choosing not to hurt when I easily could.

I can’t change the past. But I carry its lessons every day. If my words have ever hurt you — know that I’m sorry. Truly sorry. And I hope, in my own way, I’ve begun to break the chain of hurt I once helped keep alive.

Published: October 19, 2025